How the Mighty Have Fallen
by PirateBallet
Summary: Norrington vs. Jack in the ultimate showdown of 'swords'. They will fight 'barebreasted' and anchors all the way as you will discover perhaps the true reason why Jack Sparrow was made chief of the cannibals.


**Author's Notes: This, my friends, is what happens when two best friends get a little crazy on a IM conversation. This is taken directly from a IM role-play that we did and turned into story format. It is crazy, makes little to no sense. . . Don't ask how they got into jail. We aren't sure :D No, this is not a "Sparrington". Just crazy fun.**

**Disclaimer: You should be glad (or sad) that we do not own POTC. The stories would consist of this**

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**How the Might Have Fallen  
(**AKA - Why Redbud and Sphynx should no longer be allowed caffine)

The two men glared at each other, each with his own form of loathing. James Norrington could not believe he had actually trusted Jack Sparrow enough to not do anything stupid. That would be the last time he _ever_trusted the pirate for any reason.

"Lighten up - 's not so bad."

Norrington glared at the man in front of him. "I am as light as a feather, Sparrow." he stated sarcastically. "Forgive me if we can't all wash our thoughts away in drink."

The pirate nodded. "You don't hold your drink well, as I recall."

"Doesn't being drunk get old after a while?"

Jack just gave the ex-commodore a grin. "You know what your problem is, mate? Jealousy. The same jealousy you have with William Turner. You're jealous because I got to lock lips with Miss Swann. You never have never been so fortunate."

Norrington narrowed his eyes. Sparrow had hit a sore spot indeed. Agree or take the defensive? Norrington took the defensive. "Sorry, Sparrow. A girl who locks lips with a pirate is not a turn on for me."

Jack's grin increased. "I doubt it is possible for you to be. . ."turned on", as it were. Snip-snip, Commodore."

The ex-commodore sneered. "You know, Sparrow . . . maybe the reason you pick on others so much is you are . . .oh. . _inferior_ in that area yourself? Snip-snip, Pirate?"

The pirate laughed in return. "Ask any woman in Tortuga, mate. The girls will set you straight soon enough."

"Oh really? I've heard you are slapped quite often. Maybe the slaps are because you let them down in some?"

"I can assure you wivvout a doubt that those slaps had nothing to do with my _capabilities_, savvy? Giselle's jus' . . . rather particular about receiving payment." Jack looked pained for a moment. "Can't see why, meself. Ought to be a pleasure even wivvout th' coin I promised 'er that time."

A snort came from Norrington. "The fact that you have to pay people to be with you is simply sad."

"I assume th' girls of Tortuga were jus' falling at your majestic, pompous feet, is that right Jamie?" Jack edged closer to Norrington. "Trus' me, son. The ones that don't cost,ain't worth it."

"The women of Tortuga are infested with Heaven knows what." Norrington snapped. "I can do better."

Jack's grin was diabolical now. "Maybe it isn't that you can't find a girl. . .per'aps you prefer the . . _other gender?_"

That was a low blow indeed, even coming from Sparrow.

"The same can be applied to you as well," Norrington replied, a grin forming on his own face. "You are with a ship-load of men for months at a time. Doesn't it get lonely those cold, hard winter nights?"

"You forget, Commodore, that women inevitably find their way onto my crew. Or do you not recall the lovely AnaMaria?"

Ah. The pirate girl. Norrington had indeed forgotten about her. No matter. He could always lie. "I do, actually. I believe she is part of your denial. While we are on the subject, another question, Sparrow. If you have been with so many wonderful people . . how is it you have no children? Or are your 'exploits' not quite what they seem?"

"You honestly never have been to Singapore, 'ave you?" Jack rolled his brown eyes, settling himself into a corner of the jail cell. "Honestly, Commodore, I think you know it is _unwise_ to have children on board a ship. Cause more trouble than that monkey ever did."

Norrington raised an eyebrow. That was an answer he had not expected. "Ah. So the famous Captain Jack Sparrow _has_ children. Perhaps now he has undergone that newest. . .operation. A newer version of the 'snip-snip' as I've heard. Tell me, Sparrow. . .did it hurt much?"

The pirate stood, gazing down at Norrington, a glint in his eyes. "Some people just won't be convinced wivvout proof. Very well, then, Commodore. I 'ave no choice but to settle this argument once an' for all."

Before Norrington could say anything, or even grasp the concept of what was about to happen, Jack Sparrow loosened his sash and dropped his breeches in front of Norrington's face.

"There? Satisfied?"

James Norrington couldn't help but think he was now, officially, scarred for life.

"Dear _God_, man! Put your pants on!"

Jack paid him no heed. "Dunno, mate. It _is_ rather hot in here. I think I'll stay like this. Gives a man a nice, breezy feeling."

"Do you have no _shame?"_

"Pirate."

Norrington frowned. "Just another reason I will never, and _would _never become a pirate. I have more decency than to . . air myself out."

Jack grinned again. "Decency, Commodore? Or are you hiding something? Maybe there really is _nothing_ to hide?"

That was it. The pirate had pushed him to his last straw. Glaring at Sparrow with all the hate in the world, James Norrington grabbed Jack's discarded bottle of rum, took a swig. . .

And stripped.

"There. Are you happy now!"

"You Navy types are pale. Not healthy, that."

Norrington opened his mouth to speak, scream, yell, _strangle_ the pirate. Yet, before any words left his mouth, they both heard the worst sound in the world.

The jail cell unlocking.

"Mr. Norrington, Mr. Sparrow, you both have been--"

The guard stopped dead. Directly behind him, Will Turner raised his eyebrows in curious amusement.

Oh, how the mighty had fallen.


End file.
